Brunette is currently reading a book Blonde sent her. It is an absolutely hilarious “truish” memoir by Jenny Lawson “The Bloggess” and the title is “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”. (That’s what Blonde does about the men she slept with in the 70s. Well, 80s and 90s too.) In the book Brunette seized upon a description of a person who had a “brunetty wholesomeness” . Brunette then informed Blonde that, henceforth, that is the only context in which Brunette may be referenced on this blog.
There are many reasons – which will now all be detailed here as times goes on – as to why Blonde has no plans to heed this caveat. The first witness for the prosecution is a Bontebonk from Western Cape National Park in South Africa. (Forgive Blonde for originally thinking the word was “Brontebonk” and referred to schtupping one of the Bronte sisters.)
On Day Three in South Africa we had hired a funny, well-informed guide to haul us around. The guide, James Gradwell, lives in Cape Town and is also an excellent professional photographer. The weather was cold and rainy when we left Cape Town but by the time we’d gotten to the park the rain had ended. This was our first day of seeing animals in their natural habitats (i.e. not the Westin bar) so our enthusiasm was running high.
When we got to the park James spotted a Bontebok in the distance. Knowing that the best way to enjoy a wild animal is to aggressively aim a zoom lens at it, we immediately exited the vehicle. However, the animal had its head down which is the Bontebonk equivalent of saying Kim Kardashian’s ass wasn’t visible. Brunette was distressed about the lack of visibility of the animal’s signature headgear.
So, in her “brunetty wholesomeness” she loudly called out “Hey move it, Numb Nuts. I want to take your picture”! Numb Nuts did move although we can’t prove that it was Brunette’s suggestion that triggered the move. Fortunately, James didn’t think she was referring to him but he did do a little recalculation about his guidees for the day.