When we travel Brunette is often afflicted by Temporary Travel Deafness (TTD). Hers is caused by flying. The air pressure changes appear to extract the sense from her ears which leads to many humorous exchanges. Our classic favorite is from a flight to Athens.
The cart for meal service was coming down the aisle and Blonde heard the flight attendants ask each passenger “chicken or pasta”? In an attempt to allow Brunette some decision making time Blonde leaned across the aisle and said “Do you want chicken or pasta”? To which Brunette, looking startled and mildly offended said loudly “Do I have a chicken in my pocket“?
She did not in fact have a chicken in her pocket ,due to recent TSA poultry carry-on restrictions.
When writing this post Blonde and Brunette were spending time in Florida. Brunette had flight-induced TTD and Blonde poured a swimming pool day down her ears on her first day here. The power of two people with TTD allows for many excellent misunderstandings. We would like to share a few of our favorites with you.
One evening we had a lovely dinner outdoors at CJ’s On the Bay on Marco Island. Afterwards we walked across the street to pick up a few things at the Winn-Dixie supermarket. As we were walking away from the checkout counter Blonde saw the usual assortment of grocery store machines; kiosks to apply for dead-end jobs, coin counters and……a large old fashioned scale for weighing people, not produce. As per usual Blonde immediately assumed that everyone else in Winn-Dixie would be there as she was; immediately after consuming a meal. So she asked, in her best “what idiot thought of this ?” voice “Who would go out to dinner then want to get weighed”?
Brunette calmly responded “It’s very common actually”. When her sister disputed this assertion Brunette asked what Blonde had said. Upon hearing the clarification she said “Oh, I thought you said ‘who would go to dinner then want to get laid’? “. She had a point. That is quite common.
The following day we went on a jet ski outing in the The Everglades. Lots of wind in our compromised auditory canals did little to improve our TTD.
Blonde spent considerable time on the outing trying, and mostly failing, to get pictures of various interesting birds as they flew in horror away from us.
Upon returning to where we were staying Blonde sat down at her computer, pulled the chip out her camera and said “I’m going to put in the bird chip”. Brunette looked around in astonishment and responded “You stepped in bird shit”?
Well, yes, at some point that probably happened but not in this instance.
Once again we headed out to dinner – something we did every two hours in Florida. Our waitress was very fair-skinned and did not have a hint of a tan or indeed of any exposure to sun over the course of her entire life. As Blonde and Brunette regularly slather ourselves in sunscreen hoping to not end up with that Florida rhino hide skin we were admiring this woman’s triumph over tanning.
Blonde said “The waitress must really wear her sunscreen”.
Another amazed look from Brunette – said looks being one of her specialities.
Then she said “Her son is green“?
Now there was another restaurant we couldn’t return to due to laughing until we cried throughout our dinner and most loudly every time the unfortunate waitress approached our table. Marco Island isn’t large – we were getting dangerously close to having exhausted the hospitality of the majority of the dining establishments.
However, our guide on the jet ski tour had recommended getting a casual dinner at a bar which is practically next door to where we were staying and where we had not yet humiliated ourselves. The bar had live entertainment so we decided to give it a try.
The entertainment that night was two men who at least were younger than Mick Jagger, if a tad less well known and talented. As they went on break they encouraged the patrons of the establishment to submit song requests. They said they covered a broad range of music. Blonde and Brunette are both huge fans of Leonard Cohen’s song Hallelujah.
As the guitarist walked past our bar stools Blonde asked him if he could play Hallelujah. He said they could not but that he loves the song too. Instead of just letting the guy go off for a beer or a whiz Blonde felt the need to remark that she’d recently read an article saying that when Cohen wrote the song he wanted something “that could be sung at a wedding or a funeral”. (Not very different occasions in Blonde’s mind.) The bar singer said “Yes, it really takes you on a journey”.
Blonde turned to report this fascinating conversation to her sister who said (indignantly, once again) “Did he tell you to contact his attorney“???
We are somewhat disappointed to report that our hearing has returned and wonder if you would mind contacting the Florida Dining Commission and asking that our lifetime ban be lifted.
Any support will be appreciated and, most likely, misunderstood.