This week Blonde had an interview for an interesting job (something she’d come to regard as an oxymoron) and she failed to adhere to any behavior recommended for interviews. Her failings included getting hopelessly lost and being late. She had Google Maps, she had Siri, she’s lived in the area for 16 years, it’s a 12 mile drive on major roads and yet she had a complete navigational failure.
Some may have wondered What Would Jesus Do? (WWJD). Not Blonde. She thought Where Is Pietro When I Need Him? (WIPWINH). Most likely he’s in the Tuscan village of Colle di Val D’Elsa minding his enoteca (does that sound obscene to anyone else?) where B&B first discovered him.
Blonde and Brunette had only managed to find our Tuscan lodgings on the first night with the constant telephone assistance of a former co-worker of Blonde’s. Licia lives in Milan and performed a variation on those movies where nuns land the plane when the pilot passes out. Licia talked to B&B’s hotel, then to B&B and repeated this process for hours as Blonde drove in an increasingly distressed and reckless fashion on the dark twisty roads of Tuscany.
The next morning B&B planned to explore Tuscany and realized that this could prove to be a significant challenge. As Brunette’s luggage had been lost by the airlines, the first stop was going to be to procure some clothing. The nearest easily locatable town was Colle di Val D’Elsa. The only clothing store the sisters bumbled upon in the town’s old section was not open. But the enoteca across the street was open. Wine has resulted in more clothes being taken off than being put on, but it still seemed like a good second choice.
It was a quiet morning and the sight of a handsome man, Pietro the proprietor, suddenly brought Blonde back to life after the previous night’s harrowing driving experience. Pietro was everything you expect Italian men to be but they never are; charming, witty, flirtatious, not smoking and helpful. His English was excellent, but accented, which added immensely to his charm.
Blonde was like a hunting dog on point. Never one to shirk International Flirtation Banter Requirements she engaged in a chat with Pietro. He was amused and sympathetic upon learning of the sisters’ directional challenges the prior evening (and many prior decades). He was also quick to suggest that he could recommend non-touristy, charming Tuscan destinations and provide detailed directions to find them.
B&B readily welcomed his kind offer. Blonde bent over Pietro’s desk (not like that, unfortunately) as he began to write the names of towns and draw a map on a piece of paper. Pietro and Blonde had been merrily assessing each others’ charms and a good time was being had by all (except Brunette who just wanted to go across the street and buy clean underpants).
Pietro drew a series of squiggles representing the twisting Tuscan roads and looked into Blonde’s eyes as he said: “The roads are very cwurvy but cwurvy is good“. He had her at cwurvy! He made the word “good” sound very very good and very very suggestive. Blonde was thrilled. Brunette was rolling her eyes.
Pietro did impose one stipulation on providing his recommendations and directions. He would only do so a day at a time. B&B had no choice but to comply. That was probably the first and last time Blonde ever did what a man told her to do; day after day after day.