Blonde and Brunette were on the first full day of a weeklong sailing vacation with Beyond Yachting out of Lefkada, Greece with two friends; Deb and Husband-of-Deb (HOD) . Thanks to some reckless Italians who had destroyed the 43′ boat we’d reserved, we were upgraded to a 50′ Beneteau. Our multi-talented skipper, Pavo, was hilarious, smart, an excellent musician and the all around best travel “app” ever. The weather was hot and sunny and the water clear and smooth. Life was good.
After a couple hours of sailing we dropped anchor to swim in a cove where we were the only boat. Brunette went all “I’ll be in the Senior-Olympics or be damned” (she’ll be damned) and put on her swim goggles, which give her the look of someone with an unfortunate chromosomal abnormality. She began to swim, with admirable determination, to Italy. Blonde and Deb swam in the area then ended up bobbing ashore to sit on the on the pebbly beach.
Deb quickly recognized that the pebbles were her sought-after home decor opportunity. As the new owner of a waterfront home Deb had a large, clear glass lamp base just waiting to be filled with pebbles from the Ionian Sea. Blonde and Deb babbled and giggled as Deb did some odd slithering around examining pebbles. (There’s no way to know which of your friends are reptiles until you travel with them.) Deb deposited the lucky pebbles that met with her approval down the front of her bathing suit for storage and transport purposes. This produced more chatter and giggles which somehow triggered HOD to call over and ask if Deb and Blonde (but really Deb) were OK. The far-from-distressed and laughing reply was a request for some wine to be delivered.
Startlingly, this resulted in an immediate search and rescue operation, commandingly orchestrated by HOD. As Blonde and Deb looked on, wondering what the commotion was about, Pavo and HOD sprung into action launching, boarding and firing up the Zodiac. Like two men intent on rescuing someone who owes them a large amount of money and on whom they do not hold a life insurance policy, Pavo and HOD flew across the water to the mystified Deb and (irrelevant) Blonde.
As they reached the damsels-not-in-distress, HOD, clearly in a state of extreme agitation, called out urgently to ask Deb if she was injured. Despite puzzled assurances to the contrary, he persisted as a man who knows danger when he imagines it. He thrust out Deb’s nylon and rubber water shoes and sternly ordered “Put on your safety shoes”! This only led to boisterous laughter as to the “safety shoes” designation.
HOD had interpreted Deb’s pebble-gathering slithering and subsequent foray onto the the beach as signs of injury. Blonde isn’t husband-oriented and Brunette’s husband would only notice an injury to a possession he owns, so both were agog at the actions of a fiercely protective Italian husband. When HOD saw that his giggling bride was clutching her stomach because she had a bathing suit containing literally pounds of pebbles, he failed to appreciate her decorative instincts. Men!
Back on board the men needed stents to get rid of all of the testosterone they had needlessly generated. Deb, Blonde and the recently returned and totally dumbfounded Brunette needed to laugh mercilessly at the men and drink the wine that they had failed to deliver to the beach.
The now relatively surly men were distracted with getting the Zodiac back onto the boat. The lady trio had begun to observe a man who had driven down to the beach, gotten out of his car and casually stripped naked for a swim. Blonde, a thorough researcher, quickly grabbed her zoom lens to assess the man’s qualifications for such confident nudity.
As the zoom lens was attached to her camera, Blonde availed herself of the photo op. Naked Man had, by this time, emerged from the water displaying full frontal nudity and waving to the diligent photographer. Blonde happily waved back. (He liked her, he really liked her!) Naked Man got dressed and drove off, secure in the knowledge that he didn’t need to respond to those email offers for organ enlargement. (This was determined by a later review of the evidence and fair consideration of potential shrinkage issues by the “ladies” that evening.)
Naked Man’s confidence had been well-founded, even if that of the two men who had our lives in their hands been completely undermined.
If you’re considering a trip to Greece don’t worry about the economy or the politics. Do worry about remembering to swim in your shoes and blondes with zoom lenses. Cover up that which needs protection and flaunt that which is flaunt-worthy. Always good advice.